Funny Cullen Conversation's!
by taylorduncan
Summary: Some very funny, random conversations that the Cullens might have at some point during their existence.
1. Alice and Esme Planning the Wedding

_**Alice and Esme Planning Bella and Edward's Wedding**_

Esme: I think the wedding should be simple.

Alice: Simple? Esme, you should know me better than that!

Esme: Alice, this needs to be simple. That's how Edward wants it and you _know_ that Bella wants it that way.

Alice: WHAT? Bella trusted me to plan this wedding and I'm going to make it the best wedding of all time!

Esme: NO. This is going to be simple and you better deal with it young lady.

Alice: What if I don't?

Esme: I will take away all of your credit cards for a year

Alice: _*gets out a book of wedding dresses* _I think the wedding should be simple.


	2. Alice Trying To Get Bella To Go Shopping

_**Alice Trying To Get Bella To Go Shopping With Her**_

Alice: Bella! _*runs down the stairs*_

Edward: Alice don't.

Alice: Shut up. Bella we're going shopping!

Bella: No way! I HATE shopping.

Alice: I don't care.

Edward: Well you should. Now, LEAVE.

Alice: Okay fine. Come on Bella!

Bella: No! I'm not going shopping with you.

Alice: Please Bella! Don't you love me?

Bella: Don't do that Alice. That's not fair and you know it!

Alice: Well then. I see the way it is.

Bella: Alice . . .

Alice: I guess I'll just go then. . . .

Bella: Fine! I'll go shopping with you.

Edward: Bella you know you don't have to.

Bella: I know. So, where are we going Alice?

Alice: Mall of America.


	3. Emmett Wants To Play A Game

_**Emmett Wants To Play A Game**_

Emmett: _*walks into the family room where everyone else is* _I'm bored!

Edward: Why is that my problem?

Emmett: Because I'm not going to leave you alone until you entertain me.

Edward: Then I'll just kick your ass.

Emmett: Please! You know I'd beat you down. So, how are you going to get rid of my boredom?

Edward: Why don't you go ask your wife to entertain you?

Emmett: Her and Alice are burning Bella's clothes or something, Bella is at Charlie's house, and Jasper is hunting with Carlisle and Esme. That just leaves you and I, Eddie-boy.

Edward: I told you to stop calling me that.

Emmett: If you play a game with me and win, I'll stop calling you that for a month, Eddie-boy.

Edward: Do you swear?

Emmett: I swear. But, if I win, you have to call me Master Emmett for a month.

Edward: Deal. What game?

Emmett: Arm-wrestle me.

Edward: No way! You know you'll win. Race me.

Emmett: Edward, I'm not a dumbass.

Edward: Fine, let's play Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Emmett: So you can read my mind and win? I don't think so. Let's play truth or dare!

Edward: _No _we are not playing truth or dare after what happened last time. Besides, you can't even win at truth or dare!

Emmett: Well, what other games are there, Eddie-boy?

Edward: I don't know…maybe we should just forfeit.

Emmett: Yeah I guess so…want to watch a movie?

Edward: Sure.

**This chapter was so boring wow I'm sorry. It just started going nowhere when I realized they both had too many unfair advantages…**


	4. Esme's Meltdown

_**Esme's Meltdown**_

Alice: Hurry, Emmett grab the fire extinguisher!

Emmett: I can't find it! Why is this house so big?!

Alice: Emmett, we're going to burn the house down! Do something!

Emmett: I am _trying _to find the extinguisher, Alice. You screaming at me will only make this harder! Finally! I found it. Move out of the way! Haha that reminds me of that song by Ludacris! "Move, bitch. Get out-"

Alice: Emmett shut up and put out the fire!

Emmett: Oh, right. *extinguishes fire*

Alice: Okay, most of the damage seems to be contained to the family room. Thank God, otherwise we might've burned something valuable that couldn't be replaced.

Esme; *enters* What is going on here?!

Alice: Umm…we kind of started a fire. But it was on accident, Esme, I swear!

Esme: Alice, how many times have I told you two to do anything that might cause a fire _outside of the house?! _I'm speechless… *starts to sob*

Emmett: No, don't cry! We're so sorry, Esme. We really didn't mean to.

Esme: I just try so hard to keep our house nice. I work so hard and you go and almost burn it all down. What am I doing wrong? I say do whatever you want, just not in the house. That's all I ask and you can't even do that.

Emmett: Please stop crying, Esme. Because you know that when you cry… *starts to quiver* I cry! *starts sobbing dramatically* oh God Esme please forgive me. How can I make it up to you? Anything you want.

Alice: Jesus, you're going to make me cry! *starts crying* Damn it! Esme, I love you and I'm so sorry. We'll make sure we use the George Foreman grill to cook Edward's books outside, okay?

Esme: I didn't want to make you cry! I'm a terrible mother! I'm sorry I love you! *pulls them into a group hug*

Edward: *walks in with Bella* What the hell happened here?

Esme, Emmett, and Alice: _Go away!_

Bella: *whispers* What did I marry into?

**New chapter within 24 hours? What is this madness?! I had a lot of free time and I pretty much stayed in bed all day, so I wanted to something remotely productive. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to review and tell me what you thought of it. (:**


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